I am very tired... but I cant sleep... I don't know why


Its like drowning, as much as I am tired from struggling, i cant go down yet... i wonder why


Suddenly, feel like going out to the sea side at night. Just me, the sky, and the waves.

Oh and the wind too.


Maybe one day I should try out if the wishing bottle thing is true... but then again, I don't know what to wish for... if it only happened just becos I wished for it, I would be saddened..... as always... its so simple, getting what I want just becos I wished for it. Some maybe disgusted by how I am not content with having most of my wishes fulfilled easily. I am too.

Sometimes, I feel that my life is like Momoko's Rococo world. Born into a blissful life, enjoy it daily and eventually die a person who never did much in her life. Useless, but 'happy'.

From time to time, I wonder, if I have ever experienced true happiness yet. Compared with society's standards, yes, I am leading a happy life. But am I really happy all the time? I dunno. I dislike how i usually that the happiness for granted...

I feel... I can never appreciate the things in my life enough. I try, every now and then... but eventually, I auto revert back to the same old bastard me...

It's when I look back, and realise the things that I did not treasure enough, that I would cry. And I hate myself for enjoying to cry... its one of the times that I actually feel human.

My only wish now... is for my parents to lead a blissful life. So soon, I will be working towards the goal of supporting them... but somehow... my wilful heart refuses to be bounded to a future where I am not the center of attention... I am such a selfish bastard. Haha...


Feel so useless...

Maybe... when I take things for granted... I lose the chance of finding happiness from them.


Why do I feel alone? ... maybe its becos... i cant sense my own existence too. There's just... empty inside and outside.


And so.. sometimes I hurt myself emotionally... so that I will cry.. and be reminded that... yes... I exist. Pathetic... isn't it. Ironically, usually more inspiration for creations come only when I am sad.


Feels like... fainting... every now and then, not the human body, but the soul... dunno why...


Its sometimes.. amusing, how I can type to this point, and already forget how I started this entry.


You see, as I write things out, my feelings goes along with them, eventually i forget the sad parts, and i no longer rmb why I am doing this... but similarly, I would repeat the same mistake one day, becos I forget.


I try hard not to forget... else the good memories will be locked up and forgotten too. I try...
even if it may take a toll...


I don't want to forget... don't forget...


even if i will eventually be poisoned by the emotions in these memories...

then I shall live and die protecting them...